Why we need to cut the cords

Today I want to talk about ‘cutting the cord’ - the energeticcord !

 

We all form energy cords of attachment to others.

 

This is a perfectly normal and necessary thing to do, especially if we care about that other person. We all have the need for deep human connection.

 

However, if a relationship has ended or must come to an end, whether it’s with a romantic partner, lover, a family member, work colleague or friend - those cords can drain you of your vital life force, and prevent you from moving forward with your own life.

 

Maybe you have an attachment to someone you judge, miss, resent or need to forgive.

 

This attachment can feel like an immense weight and you don’t even know where it’s coming from !

 

Or perhaps you don’t necessarily want this person out of your life completely – for example, you have a great friendship, but you know you depend a little too much on this person and need to detach. This will restore health and bring ease into the relationship!  

 

 

Physical separation is not always enough to end a negative connection.

 

A ‘negative connection’ doesn’t necessarily mean there is a bad taste, or one person is right/wrong - it simply means the relationship is no longer serving itself in a healthy way.

 

Physical separation, while it can be a crucial step in ending a negative connection, is not always sufficient on its own to completely sever such a connection. Here's why:

 

• Emotional ties persist: Deep connections retain emotional and psychological elements that endure even when separated physically.

 

• Digital connections: In today's digital world, online platforms can maintain connections despite physical separation, creating an easy path to check on someone.

 

• Shared connections: Mutual friends, colleagues, or family members can sustain ties, serving as channels for updates and information.

 

• Emotional dependence: Some individuals remainemotionally reliant on negative connections, even when they recognise their harm, making it difficult to let go without addressing underlying needs.

 

• Unresolved issues linger: Negative connections often stem from unresolved conflicts or feelings, which may persist even after physical separation.

 

Personal growth and healing are often needed for complete disconnection.

 

 

 

Now, if you’re still with me – grab a pen and some paper (your journal if you have one)

 

 

Here are three journaling questions that can be helpful for cutting emotional ties with someone, regardless of who initiated the end of the relationship:

 

 

1/ What Were the Key Reasons for the Breakup?

 

Explore the factors and circumstances that led to the end of the relationship/friendship.

Reflect on both your actions and those of the other person, as well as external influences or circumstances.

 

Understanding the root causes of this situation can provideclarity and help you identify areas for personal growth or changes in future relationships.

 

Example

“Looking back on our friendship ending, it's clear that different interests and trouble communicating were the main reasons. We grew apart because of our changing priorities and difficulties maintaining meaningful conversations. Understanding these reasons helps me accept the breakup and get ready for better friendships ahead.”

 

 

2/ What Did I Learn from this Relationship?

 

Reflect on the lessons and insights you gained from the relationship. This could include personal growth, understanding your own needs and boundaries, or identifyingpatterns in your relationships.

Consider both positive and negative aspects of the connection.

Understanding what you've learned can help you grow and move forward.

 

Example

“From this relationship, I learned the importance of setting and maintaining personal boundaries. I realised that I often put the other person's needs and desires above my own, which led to a loss of self-respect and emotional exhaustion.

I also learned my capacity for love and my desire for deep connection on a romantic level.”

 

 

3/ What Do I Need to Release and Let Go Of?

 

Identify and write down the emotions, memories, or attachments that you feel are holding you back.

 

Write about the range of feelings you're going through, whether it's sadness, hurt, anger, relief, or confusion.

 

Consider what you need to release in order to move forward and emotionally detach from the person, and explore how you can achieve this.

 

These journaling questions can help you process your feelings, find closure, and begin the process of cutting emotional ties with someone, regardless of how the relationship ended.

 

Example

"I need to let go of the need to control a family member's choices and the guilt I feel for not being able to 'fix' family issues. I also must let go of unrealistic expectations of ‘the perfect family’ and release past resentments. Moving on from these emotional burdens will help me foster healthier family dynamics and find peace and acceptance in all our relationships."

 

 

"I take back my power, by cutting energy cords that have formed between myself and any person, situation, or thing that no longer serves me"